Many people claim to enjoy being single, but in fact, they more or less yearn for a stable and intimate relationship. So what are the practical factors that make it difficult to achieve this longing for a long time?
Getting out of the shadow of a long-term relationship
The impact of ending a relationship that has lasted for many years far exceeds short-term emotional setbacks. For example, if a relationship that has lasted for seven or eight years comes to an end, what is left is not just a memory, but the deeply integrated living habits of two people, as well as social circles and even future plans, all of which will take a long time to sort out and digest.
If a person has shared joys, sorrows, and joys with you for several years, then this person has become a part of your world map. Even if they are separated from each other, the extraordinarily familiar tacit understanding gained from being together for a long time, and the emotional connection formed based on in-depth understanding will not be easily replaced by other things. Therefore, after a long-term relationship breaks down, many people will involuntarily enter a state of comparison. Subconsciously, they always feel that the new person they meet seems to be missing something.
Overcome natural social resistance
According to scientific research, a large part of the personality trait of shyness is influenced by genetics. This does not mean that it cannot be changed. However, it does set a higher starting threshold for social interaction. For people who are naturally introverted, taking the initiative to make new friends or participate in dating requires investing additional psychological energy.
Fortunately, there are also a large number of shy singles in the crowd. The difficulty is how two passive people can start a conversation. However, in actual situations, it is not uncommon for successful connections to be achieved through common hobbies, introductions from friends, or online platforms. The key is to create opportunities for low-pressure contact for oneself.
Choice dilemma in limited environment
Assuming that you are in a city with a population of one million, the number of people of the right age for the opposite sex is probably only tens of thousands. However, your actual social circle may be much smaller than you imagine. Excluding those who already have partners, whose life trajectories have no intersection, and those who have extremely different values are excluded. In this way, the number of people who are really likely to develop a relationship is extremely limited.
Even if a few potential targets are screened out theoretically, identifying and contacting them in real life is another challenge. Daily commuting routes, fixed workplaces, and limited spare time activities all combine to create a relatively closed interpersonal network, making it difficult to meet new faces.
The inertia of independent living
After being single for a long time, it is easier to develop a personal model with efficient characteristics and autonomy. You have become accustomed to relying on yourself to decide everything, including what to eat for dinner and where to go on vacation. All time and resources are completely controlled by yourself. This sense of control and the comfort zone created by independence can sometimes turn into an invisible obstacle to accepting a partner.
For another person to step into an already stable life system, this means that one has to adjust one's work and rest, share space, coordinate decision-making, and even give up part of one's personal freedom. Even if you long for companionship on an intellectual level, you may be resistant to change emotionally and in habits, fearing that your stable life pace will be disrupted.
Overly specific mate selection list
Many people have an explicit or implicit "ideal partner list" in their hearts, which lists various conditions such as height, income, hobbies and so on. These standards are originally intended to assist in screening. However, if they are too detailed and too rigid, they will act like a filter, shutting out many potentially suitable candidates.
Obsessing with every condition may cause people to ignore that the essence of a relationship is how people get along with each other. For example, does the other party have to be in a certain type of occupation? Is there a certain physical characteristic that really cannot be compromised? Moderately relax non-core terms and expand the scope of choices, and you may be able to encounter unexpected fits.
Deep concerns about intimate relationships
In addition to visible reasons, some more internal worries can also deter people. For example, they are afraid of being hurt in the relationship, worried that they cannot handle conflicts well, or have doubts about the institution of marriage itself. These worries may stem from past experiences, family influence, or social observations.
There are also some people who are trapped by "perfectionism" and always think that they will wait until they become better and more successful before they start falling in love, or they expect a "destined" relationship without any flaws. This kind of waiting mentality can easily cause people to miss the opportunity to build real connections in the present.
After reading this, have you ever found yourself or someone around you still single? For you, what is the biggest internal or practical obstacle to starting a new relationship? Feel free to share your insights in the comment area.
